Cancer Recovery

This January marks 1 year since my chemo started, and 5 months since my active treatment (chemo, surgeries, and radiation) for breast cancer ended.

It doesn't mark the end of all treatment as I'm meant to be on medication for the next 10 years and I've got regular oncology check ups. As part of ongoing check ups I'll also do annual ultrasounds, but hopefully all the really big, hard things are behind me.

As soon as radiation ended I found various friends, family and colleagues assuming I was better, saying things like 'well it's great that's all over' and 'now you can move on'.

Although I was relieved beyond words to have the active treatment over, I'd spent 9 months dealing with the shock and active treatment related to my cancer, and it felt like all the energy and positivity I had was required to simply 'survive treatment' -to keeping showing up.

Inside I felt broken, physically I still had a lot of recovery to do & mentally and emotionally I was empty and uncertain how to move forward. How do you really recover after something like, how do I get back not to who I was before, but to the version of myself I want to be after this?

I found myself working full-time the week after radiation and things at work were so busy I kept that up. I didn't feel it was sustainable but I'd had a holiday booked for October, and later booked one for early Jan, so it felt like there was some balance - I was getting some breaks away whilst trying to be 'normal' in between.

Maybe there are a lot of resources but it's felt to me like there is a big gap in the cancer treatment space. I was lucky enough to be able to choose where I got treated, so I'd picked my doctors and I had confidence in their expertise - but each one naturally focused on their specialty and anything outside that belonged to someone else. But who?

Maybe some GP's are wonderful at overseeing your holistic care but having never had a regular GP due to being quite well until cancer, I met mine when she told me I had cancer based on the results she'd received, and I've seen her about half a dozen times since then where it feels like we're meeting for the first time each visit.

There are a lot of cancer support groups but I have mixed feelings about joining. I attended one morning tea, and there are some real benefits of sharing your journey with others going through similar things. However, for me, at least at this stage, hearing about others going through their second or third cancer experiences increases the fear I have of another diagnosis.

I also saw a psychologist during my treatment year who was lovely and created a safe space for me to express my feelings and get support but she couldn't fix how I felt or give me all the answers I was searching for.

I don't know yet how to move powerfully forward in the most positive way for me, whilst being true to how I'm feeling inside - how do I rebuilt from shattered, how do I get from where I am to where I want to be?

I started Life-Style-Fit to share my journey. After a Stage 3 cancer diagnosis the urgency I feel to make the most of life has accelerated. I don't know what will happen next but I want to make the most of this second chapter. It's true that none of us know how long we have, but a close encounter like cancer, has made me more aware than ever of the need to make the most of life.

#breastcancer #cancerrecovery